It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
