He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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