1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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