it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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