Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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