Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
