i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My breasts were aching with rage.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
