It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
