I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
