Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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