I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
