First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
