I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
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