Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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