The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
