Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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