Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
