gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
