i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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