talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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