He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he thought i was a dude.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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