i barfeds in our rink
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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