why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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