My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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