Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
There are leaves in my underwear?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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