so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
