You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
