The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
