Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
