batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
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Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
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As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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