**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
