Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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