i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
