She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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