Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
