Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
wrigley field is MILF paradise
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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