The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
