how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
