my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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