Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
