Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
