if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
