Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
