it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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