I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
