yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
