Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
