I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
