i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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