Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
