what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
