I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
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Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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