9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
