fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
