Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
