Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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