wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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