"it" just moved
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
