is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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