looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i drank out of a bidet.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
