Do you still have your period?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
