this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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