woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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