I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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