I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I could fuck to npr.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
