She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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