i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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