he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
