I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
