saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
