Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
