I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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